Police Confiscate Disabled People’s Crutches

Yesterday in South London, police made daring raid on dangerous ‘cripples and invalids,’ confiscating crutches and kicking paraplegics out of wheelchairs in what they’re dubbing a bid to ‘tackle the negative impact of disability on society.’

Reports came last night after a number of disabled people crawled, according to eye-witnesses, ‘on their elbows’ into Queen Elizabeth hospital asking for help.

Commissioner Sir Bernard Hogan-Howe confirmed that some such raids ‘had taken place.’

‘No one wants disability in London,’ he told reporters earlier, ‘yet there are some miscreants out there flaunting it as though it were a virtue. We’re taking measures to ensure that if you’re disabled, life is going to be as miserable and difficult as possible.’

A policeman attaches a chain between a paraplegic's wheelchair and his van, shortly before driving off at high speed
A policeman attaches a chain between a paraplegic’s wheelchair and his van, shortly before driving off at high speed

The move comes after last week’s raid on the homeless, in which essential sleeping bags and food were ‘confiscated.’

We spoke to a police insider to find out what would follow.

‘We’re planning to startle blind people with sudden, horrifically loud noises,’ he said, adding: ‘this is the New Justice. It’s all in line with the government’s policy towards the less-privileged.’

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